Monday, May 26, 2014

12 Things Learned Our First Year of Marriage

Good Morning! Today is officially our first anniversary, and while this past week I've been posting photos and recaps from the wedding day today is all about what we've learned this past year.

We both knew that living together (especially since we hadn't lived together before we got married) would be a transition. We were told that the first year of marriage is the hardest, and although that's now highly contested (since many live together before marriage, it's not as applicable) it definitely applied to us.

I grew up with lots of space and solitude to do with as I pleased, while Tom lived in close quarters with his family his whole life. I live minimally, and Tom has all his childhood memories in boxes. I am stubborn, and he is passionate. And while living together is hard that first year, it is also amazing. We've learned about forgiveness and grace and also prayer. And we've learned a few other things.

What has Tom Learned?
  1. Genesis 2:18 couldn't be more true. One year in, God truly made an appropriate help meet for man.
  2. Breakfast! The most important meal of the day takes on a whole new meaning when prepared with love. Highlight of the day is when Farin makes silver dollar pancakes and plates them in the form of a smiley face.
  3. Bickering: I'm a sinner, married to a sinner. Arguments and disagreements are bound to happen between any couple but the my main take away is make up quickly.
  4. Monogamy: God's full purposes of marriage rites are a mystery according to scripture but a blessing nonetheless. It is something to be fully cherished.
  5. Be proactive: Farin and I imagined a marriage full of dates and couples activities. Life gets in the way and you quickly find yourself in a routine. Be purposeful and deliberate about date nights and stick to em.
  6. Remain close and intimate with each other. Makes being together at all times a much nicer experience.
Men. So concise with their words. You know I won't be, so here goes.

What have I Learned?
  1. Forgiving each other is hard! But necessary. I can be the queen of holding grudges, and I also clam up when upset. That makes a recipe for disaster as Tom has no clue what I'm thinking. But when I remember that we are told to forgive and move on, things are left behind. God gave us grace, and we should extend that to other- especially the ones we live with!
  2. Do your own chores. We avoided sharing chores, since every person has their own 'way' that is best. I haven't done laundry in 1 year, and he hasn't had to yell at me for shrinking his shirts. Or turning them pink. Also, I do the dishes since I am a bit obsessive over them being completely clean. No more spots or complaining to him that he does have to actually wash (and not just rinse) the colander or the pot lid. 
  3. Greet each other warmly and always kiss goodnight. Tom knew I was a stickler for these things (he even wrote them into his vows)- so it's not something we've had to 'work' on. But on the nights when you're upset over one thing or another, always kiss and say goodnight. This extends to sleeping together. The only times we sleep apart aren't because of arguments, but because either he's snoring or I'm sick and coughing nonstop. Luckily, that hardly happens, just around flu season :-)
  4. Do each other favors. Bring each other breakfast or coffee in bed, or offer to bring their returns to the store. It's nice to know they think about how to serve you, and it feels good to do them favors in return.
  5. Listen to and encourage each other. Make sure you remember that they probably have a whole other set of struggles and stresses at work, home or school and might not have a dumping ground. Provide that, a place to get it out. Offer an ear and help them unwind.
  6. Make time together, and have some shared interests. I hate biking and would never agree to bike anywhere except it meant a lot to Tom to bike in Canada (and we biking in traffic). And while Tom might not follow any blogs (mine or others) he's always there to offer a suggestion if feedback on a post.
That's about it! Hope everyone is having wonderful Memorial Day weekend and return to work on Tuesday.

What have your learned your first year of marriage, or this past year?


  1. Farin, these are great. I LOVE #3. It is so important to approach each other with kindness. I am genuinely excited when my husband comes home and I get up before he does, so when he comes downstairs, dressed for work, I am genuinely happy to see him. Occasionally, he will said he was afraid he missed me and I left early. <3 Never without my good morning kiss. Happy, happy anniversary!

    1. I definitely feels like we missed something when we don't say goodbye. Sets the stage for the rest of the day :)

  2. I especially loved the one about breakfast having a new meaning.. I always look forward to the day I get to stay in one house with my man and I can prepare meals for him, especially breakfast. I think it's the whole mix of sunlight + energy + a beginning of a new day that makes it so special :)

    1. It's a nice way to show love, even if it's just breakfast ready when you wake up :)


Pin It button on image hover