And 30 days after that...

We found out we weren't having a baby.

While this is posted several weeks after we found out, it finally makes sense enough in my head to document on digital paper.

Rough few months right? Well, yes- but also no.

We got married only 3.5 months ago. We went on an amazing honeymoon, explored PA and Maine in several mini-trips. In mid-July we found out we were going to be parents! And we still are parents. We will just have to wait a bit longer to meet our baby in Heaven.

When we first found out, I was asking Tom 'Why couldn't this have happened earlier (and ended before taking the pregnancy test) so we wouldn't have gotten so excited?' Some amazing things have happened because of this knowing.

For one... extensive research. On all thing baby/child/schooling related. Just over a year ago Tom proposed to me, and since September 2012 I have been planning something. First a wedding, then a honeymoon, then a brand new apartment. We had about 1 week of breathing room- and of course I felt the need to research and plan something.

I almost jumped into my Rosetta Stone that's been gathering dust- until we decided to take the test. And then a second to make sure. After that, I found a whole new realm of online mothers and their blogs. Learning how to even be pregnant turned into how to care for a newborn. Then they spawned into how to raise them (biblically) and in God, and then I started researching homeschooling options in NYC (still trying to wrap my brain around that one- how do people grow up in NYC?). Holidays, plans to visit my parents on Thanksgiving every year, and bringing the baby to PR to meet family a few months after being born. Obviously, I have always taken research very seriously.

And then, with the surprise of a underdeveloped baby in my belly, with no heartbeat- that all stopped. 3 appointments over 3 weeks later- and now I am back to dusting off Rosetta.

I'm glad we found out, and had our heart break a little bit. I know God used that month to get us prepared for our lives as future parents- and brought us much closer together. Instead of disagreeing about whether or not we really need to buying pillows, it turned into Tom insisting that he stay home with me when I was miscarrying to take care of me. From trying to just get a routine together, to us learning to talk about the future of us and our families- and where we will be in the new few years.

At lease now I things are starting to return to normalcy. I can sit and think and write some more. And hopefully learn some Spanish :)