Friday, April 1, 2016

Asking for Help

One of my biggest fears is having to asking for help from others. I've always tried to be self-sufficient, so when I married into my husband's family I quickly found that this was a family all about involvement and "how can I help?"... which is not what I was used to at all.

Ever since the colic days, I've realized how needy I am and how blessed I am with the family I married into. When Daniel reached the height of his shrieking and was crying until he was purple, I spent nearly all day with my mother in law, which consisted of us passing him back and forth so the other could take a rest from trying to console him.
And up to that point, I had been trying to do everything all on my own, without bringing him over for much more than a hour or so to visit. When he started to act less and less like a sweet sleepy newborn (as the colic set in) I tried to bring him only when they would 'enjoy' him. Of course when he started to slip into the screaming and crying, I realized that I needed help and that I would have to suck it up and ask for it.

During the colicky days, my formerly relaxed baby required constant walking around, swaying and trying to soothe him. Or else he would scream his little head off. When he turned 3 weeks old, all of his daytime naps stopped... which meant that all my sleep also stopped. I asked my mother in law if she could watch him for a few hours, and she happily accepted. Thank God for her, because without her help, I'm not sure how I would have functioned. I would have been sleep-deprived, in a disastrous house with no time to even think straight.
Since my in laws live in the same apartment building as us, it felt like I could easily be asking for too much help and possibly imposing. But my husband reminded me that I have been receiving help from her in the same way that she received help from her mother in law and sister in law when she had her two babies. And to quit overthinking it.

This entire parenting experience has been very humbling. 


So tell me...
When you had children, did you find yourself asking for help?
Are you a independent person, or embrace assistance?
Were you blessed by a great family of in-laws, or did you go through this experience solo?
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Here's what I wrote for the letter "A" in 2014:
April Fools
Growing up, I was basically an only child. My parents were both married before each other, and had kids with their first spouses. When they got married and had me, I was the only kid I knew for a large chunk of my childhood. Needless to say I did my fair share of pranking my poor mother... Click the link to read the rest...
This post was brought to you by the A-Z Challenge:

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17 comments:

  1. I'm about to become a grandmother for the first time and I would love my daughter-in-law to need my help. We don't live nearby, but if we did, I would be happy to take some of the load and I'm sure your in laws feel the same - always ask xx Leanne from cresting the hill

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    1. Thanks Leanne :) It's so obvious from how she says "Daniel!" whenever I bring him over that she loves to have him so close by :)

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  2. Agree that one should always ask. I have two small children and would love it if my inlaws help me.. But somehow I dont really push and ask them for fear of actually being a bother!

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  3. Asking for help always helps.. as it lessen the burden from ones shoulder.. Raising kids is a tedious full time job though its very satisfying too when u see the smile on your baby's face.

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    1. That is true, thankful he gives out frequent smiles :)

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  4. Lovely post, and congratulations on a wonderful family!

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  5. Well, it does take a village to bring up a child. I help both my girls with their babies and am happy to do so.

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  6. Yes, you are incredibly blessed to have married into a family that welcomed you with open arms and unconditionally. Daniel will be the beneficiary of this great example and will learn by example how to walk in the same way.

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  7. very very rarely I asked for help... not because I was shy though. Just simply - there was nobody whom I could ask for help. Nobody that I'd be comfortable and trusting enough...
    But yeah, I was on the phone with my mom a lot... so not physical help, but the psychological and emotional - yeah ;)

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    1. I'm blessed with great inlaws but am also on the phone pretty often with my mother as well :)

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  8. Oh I remember those colic days! Except ours turned out not to be colic at all. The screaming was awful but I was useless at asking for help - I've always been stubbornly independant. Luckily my family are wonderful and I didn't have to ask! They all made sure I had help.
    Good luck with the challenge.

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    1. Mind me asking what it ended up being? I can identify with having a stubborn streak. Not something that is easy to overcome.

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  9. An important topic that needs more discussion. All the best with your AZ!

    Damyanti, AZ cohost 2016

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  10. Oh this brings back memories ...
    No, I didn't get to ask for help although there were times I wanted to! My husband's family are not really all that actively supportive. And they don't like loud noises. My family was in a different city at the time, so I think I went crazy about a month into motherhood. Looking forward to reading more as the month goes on.

    Caitlin Cummings
    www.thegirlrambles.com

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    1. I'm not quite crazy, but even with the family helping I think that you just have to be crazy. It's part of it, right?

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