Telling People You're Pregnant.. after Miscarriage(s)

I don't want to tell everyone I know that I am pregnant.

But hear me out, before deciding that I'm either:
-a huge hypocrite (I write online so that a face and story can be put to multiple loss/lupusAPS)
-or an idiot (people can easily find this blog- after all it's my name)

There are two big reasons. 
Since miscarriages are a taboo subject and not mentioned in proper society, we don't necessarily know who had/has/is experiencing one. I mentioned our history to a co-worker who had some very fresh wounds (and a story very similar to mine with a blood disorder). She learned of my previous miscarriages and broke down in sympathy. I think it's important to talk with others who have gone through similar trials, but it's not something I want to dole out on the unsuspecting.

Then there are a lot of good meaning people who have given their advice on everything in the past.

It's a normal part of life.
1. Boy meets girl, they get married.
2. They get pregnant.
3. The whole world tells them what they need to figure out Right Now.

In the great homeschool debate of 2013, I was about 6 weeks pregnant when I was asked how we were schooling our children. A bit early in the game I thought, but I told the group of inquisitors inquirers that we were planning on homeschooling. I left the conversation after about 20 ridiculous minutes of being told I was wrong. I've since learned to not to take the bait and tell everyone everything they want to know.

That isn't to say that I won't answer questions like "why do you lose your pregnancies" or "around what week does it typically happen" or any other questions where the person asking is curious. I'm more than happy to let you know what it means to have multiple miscarriages, APS or answer any questions about medicine. I'm tired of the secrecy given to those who loose their babies, keeping them mourning in silence. The more support given to the parents, the better. But at the same time I'm choosing the be wise in who I do and don't tell.

People we have told: family, close friends and plenty of people at church.

People we know will support us and not pressure us to talk about it constantly. Most everyone who we've told already knows about our history of early pregnancy loss and knows that what we need most is prayer and support. To allow us to process everything week by week. I want to get to the point of seeing the heartbeat, then hearing it. To know that the baby inside me has a great chance at survival. Then I will be more open to the long-term questionnaires that come my way.

So tell me...
Have you ever dealt with recurrent miscarriages, and..
Did it affect how you told others about the subsequent pregnancies?


                 
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