Friday, June 19, 2015

3 Completely Rational Fears

Today's writing prompt of 'fear' seems like an interesting topic to write on, a chance to be transparent with myself and perhaps gain some perspective. It's so easy to forget that this isn't just a place online to showcase all the good in our lives at the moment. but to memorialize all things that are happening. And, that involves some fears and internal struggles that are going on. I've written on my Irrational Fear (and it's a weird one). But here's 3 of my completely rational fears.
- I'm been debating with myself, whether or not to call my father this Sunday for Father's Day. We have had a rough relationship, starting about 15 years ago. It's come to this point where we haven't spoken in a year. I don't hear from him and he doesn't hear from me. Without getting into the guts of the matter, I love him but really want nothing to do with him. But now that I'm expecting and will be giving him a grandchild it's different. I know I'm more sensitive than normal anyways, but it seems unfair to not tell him. But then i think about how that conversation will go and I coil back and decide against it.

- I'm scared of being a mother. I've never really changed a diaper before and growing up as the absolute youngest, have very little knowledge about infants or children under 3. I've babysat toddlers and kids, and know how to manipulate/reason/distract them pretty well. But before the age of reason and communication, I'm an absolute dummy. I've been working in the church nursery (I'm sure its secretly some sort of Farin-infant immersion program) but at least I can pick them up and move them around without that awkward freakout moment of 'will I drop it'? I imagine the instinct will take over once I'm handed our child, but it's like being told you are going to drive cross country in 6 months and you only just applied for your drivers license.

- I'm not sure what kind of person I'm becoming. Besides wife and (in 6 months) mother, I don't have a thing. I of course love writing on here, but I lack a tangible hobby or passion that everyone else seems to have. I don't want to dull or boring. I like baking, organizing and planning. But not enough to make any of those 'my thing'. Plus, organizing and planning? Those might work into careers somehow but unless I make a habit of playing 52 card pickup I don't see how I can use those interests recreationally.

So tell me...
Do you ever think about yourself introspectively?
What hobbies or passions did you stumble into?
We're you terrified of being a mother to your first, or did you have more experience than I do?

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Five Minute Friday - 4


  1. Oh yea, I was TERRIFIED of being a mother! When Amelia was born, she was so tiny (not a preemie, just 6.5 lbs tiny). I was scared, but I was SO excited to meet her. They had her in NICU as a precaution shortly after birth so that ramped up my excitement to have real time with my new baby. The pediatrician came in and said, "Wow, this is your first? You look like a natural mother, like you've been dong this for years." I have NO idea if she says that to everyone, but go ahead and post a photo after your little one comes and I will share that encouragement! You'll be fine, but you might not always feel like you're doing a good job. Don't worry about that, you will be. If you're scared now, that means you have enough love in your heart to really care for and about you baby :)

    1. I imagine most every mom didn't enter into pregnancy with an 'I've got this' mentality... but still. I'm hoping you stand by that promise, would love that kind of encouragement :) Also, Amelia is on the list of girl names... I always grew up loving it!

  2. Oh Farin!! You are going to be a great mom! Being a nanny who deals a lot with first time parents I see this fear a lot but honestly it's unfounded. Your baby will love just being with you, that bond is instinctual, and you will figure things out as you go. But honestly I don't really believe there are necessarily right or wrong ways of doing things when it comes to mothering. Everyone figures out what works for them and their child(ren). As for your 'thing' look at all of those things you just listed!! You are so talented. I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit on either front you wonderful human being you! Have a great weekend!

    1. I guess I will take your words to heart, seeing as how young babies and children are your business. And if you've seen many mothers like this, then that means it is normal :) Thanks!

  3. LOVE the picture! And, yep, those are totally rational fears.

    Not worried about being a Mom, because, well...I'm a guy. (We couldn't have children, anyway.)

    I do think introspectively, though I'd rather not. I'm very ill, am not likely to survive (so say the doctors), and, well...this sure isn't a good time to be taking stock, with so much left undone. It's a lot easier to be the cheerfully mindless rugby hooligan God made me to be.

    And I stumbled into the meaning of my life, the sanctuary in which my wife and I have provided a forever home to abandoned and abused dogs. They sleep in the house, not kennels, and their sound of happy snoring slumber is a balm on the nights when I can't sleep.

    Here from FMF - I am #6

    1. I guess when the time comes I will find myself in love with a hobby or organization in a random manner, but it really does show that God provides sanctuaries for his children when they need one. Dogs can provide so much love and comfort, this sounds like a wonderful passion to have :)

  4. Farrin,
    That you take the time to stop and think about your life and its various relationships and components shows that you are going to be a great mother. I've never been blessed with children so I can't speak on the fears of motherhood. I think introspectively though. Mainly because I have reached middle age and have begun to look back on my life. I have found some things I enjoy doing such as baking and gardening. Gardening has become a big passion of mine. I find peace in the garden and it has become a glorious place for me to talk to the Lord. May the Lord be with you as enter into the journey of motherhood and may he heal the relationship between you and your father.

    1. Thank you Mary, this sounds about right and I know that trusting in the Lord will bring me where I am meant to go regardless :)


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