14 weeks

How far along:
14 weeks

Gender: 
We won’t find out until August most likely

Maternity clothes:
I am in maternity clothes, except jeans (which will come when warmer temperatures arrive).
Since this questions is now moot, the new question here is:
Weirdest dream this week:
I was in charge of the cake at the wedding for some couple I didn't know, and for some reason I kept getting icing all over my hands. I would run off and lick the icing off, and woke with an incredible desire for something sweet. I apparently began to sleep talk about cake to my husband, who later showed up with a donut :)

Dora, in close contact with my belly at all times.

Sleep: 
I keep reminding myself that it's okay that I'm always tired and wanting to sleep, but I feel so unproductive. But then again, there's something being knit together inside me so I guess its fine.

Best moment this week: 
Getting a firm belly! I was shocked that it showed up so early, but everyone from work and church says that it looks like it has popped, and is more pointy. Either way, I definitely have to admit that it's firm and growing.

Worst moment this week:
Headaches. My sinus' are having some trouble again, and despite knowing that the headaches are from that, it still brings back memories of loosing the first two pregnancies, with the migraines.

Miss anything: 
Really strong coffee, and that nice espresso buzz while at work. Something to power me through the monotonous work that builds up every couple days.

The best little snacks ever.

Movement: 
Baby is definitely doing backflips and somersaults, but nothing I can feel yet.

Cravings: 
Icing and chocolate. I really want to make no-bake cookies, but the lack of peanut butter is holding me back.

Medicine:
Lovenox injections nightly at 0.40mL and Progesterone 200 mg taken nightly. And morning prenatal vitamins.

Injections are (still) really painful. I've come to miss the days earlier in the pregnancy where it wouldn't hurt much at all and I would just bruise like crazy. I haven't bruised in about 3 weeks, perhaps my technique has improved?

Queasy or sick: 
Still no sickness! But I'm still turned off of all types of meat, greasy food and toothpaste.

Looking forward to: 
My doctor's appointment next week, and checking the heartbeat with the dopplar. Also, we're having a gender reveal party at my mother's house. She sounded so excited when I mentioned the idea, and now we're having a gender reveal BBQ in late August with my side of the family and are bringing the in-laws as well.

                 
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Pregnancy Dreams, and Sleepwalking

I've just returned home from repairing houses in Wisconsin, only to find that our apartment was remodeled by my husband without telling me. But wait... didn't he go to Wisconsin with me? And why are my feet in so much pain? I have high heel shoes on. That doesn't seem like practical footwear for a construction site in the Midwest...

There have been some crazy dreams in this pregnancy thus far. I've stolen jewelry with Leonardo DiCaprio from a strip mall in New Jersey (that's where all the best jewelry is kept after all), been involuntarily part of a 18-wheeler high-speed chase on the Interstate, and have successfully blown up the moon. I normally don't do these things, but I guess it's just the way things are going to be until December. I really hope I can evade the law until then.

According to stuff I've researched on the web (because there is not better source for real medical insight), this is a normal part of being pregnant. One wonky suggestion is that I should have been having dreams depending on the trimester I am in. In the first trimester, I should've been dreaming about water (because I'm making amniotic fluid) and fertility (since you know, something is growing in there). In the second trimester, I should be dreaming about animals and other cuddly things that represent babies. Because.... ? And during the third trimester, I should start having nightmares of labor and delivery, and the baby should talk to me in my dreams.

Needless to say, I call horsefeathers on all the above suggestions (except the labor one... I could see myself having those nightmares). Whether or not it's because of hormones or that we are just more likely to wake up and pee in the middle of the night and remember where we left off... I'm still committing crimes and travelling to the Midwest.

However, I used to walk, talk, and occasionally break wash dishes in my sleep. So, while I'm happy to read that the internet is telling me this is normal for pregnant women, I'm definitely interested in seeing if I will ever fall into a "normal" dreamland. And we will also see if Tom will need to install a buzzer system, alerting him if I leave the appointed areas after midnight. Because yes, as a kid, my parent's installed an alarm at the end of the hallway.


So tell me...
Have you ever been pregnant and had crazy dreams?
Did you sleepwalk as a child? If so, did it make pregnancy dreams more ridiculous?


                 
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3 Completely Rational Fears

Today's writing prompt of 'fear' seems like an interesting topic to write on, a chance to be transparent with myself and perhaps gain some perspective. It's so easy to forget that this isn't just a place online to showcase all the good in our lives at the moment. but to memorialize all things that are happening. And, that involves some fears and internal struggles that are going on. I've written on my Irrational Fear (and it's a weird one). But here's 3 of my completely rational fears.

- I'm been debating with myself, whether or not to call my father this Sunday for Father's Day. We have had a rough relationship, starting about 15 years ago. It's come to this point where we haven't spoken in a year. I don't hear from him and he doesn't hear from me. Without getting into the guts of the matter, I love him but really want nothing to do with him. But now that I'm expecting and will be giving him a grandchild it's different. I know I'm more sensitive than normal anyways, but it seems unfair to not tell him. But then i think about how that conversation will go and I coil back and decide against it.

- I'm scared of being a mother. I've never really changed a diaper before and growing up as the absolute youngest, have very little knowledge about infants or children under 3. I've babysat toddlers and kids, and know how to manipulate/reason/distract them pretty well. But before the age of reason and communication, I'm an absolute dummy. I've been working in the church nursery (I'm sure its secretly some sort of Farin-infant immersion program) but at least I can pick them up and move them around without that awkward freakout moment of 'will I drop it'? I imagine the instinct will take over once I'm handed our child, but it's like being told you are going to drive cross country in 6 months and you only just applied for your drivers license.

- I'm not sure what kind of person I'm becoming. Besides wife and (in 6 months) mother, I don't have a thing. I of course love writing on here, but I lack a tangible hobby or passion that everyone else seems to have. I don't want to dull or boring. I like baking, organizing and planning. But not enough to make any of those 'my thing'. Plus, organizing and planning? Those might work into careers somehow but unless I make a habit of playing 52 card pickup I don't see how I can use those interests recreationally.

So tell me...
Do you ever think about yourself introspectively?
What hobbies or passions did you stumble into?
We're you terrified of being a mother to your first, or did you have more experience than I do?



                 
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12 weeks

How far along:
12 weeks

Gender: 
We won’t find out until August most likely

Maternity clothes:
I bought 2 belly bands, since my pants and shorts no longer comfortably close. I've gained only a pound this pregnancy, but I think whatever size my uterus is, that's pushing my existing belly our that much further. Nothing buttons comfortably anymore, this just lets me walk around with my pants undone. Which, is making life so much more comfortable!

Sleep: 
So much sleep. Last Friday, for instance, I came home and went straight to bed at 830. I woke 7 hours later, stayed up an hour, then slept for an additional 8.

Best moment this week: 
Seeing the baby wiggle all over the screen at our NT scan. And, while we were thrilled to see that the baby looks to be free of any disorders, it was more mesmerizing to see the baby react to stimuli- such as my glass of apple juice to wake up, or the technician pressing over on my right to make the baby decide it wanted to flip over.

Worst moment this week:
After last month of being allergy ridden and miserable, these past two weeks have been much better.

Miss anything: 
I kind of wish tuna fish wasn't forbidden. The only place I ever want it is from the  deli near my work, but I pretty much avoid all their items because of the Listeria concern. I've also acquired a somewhat large snacking section under my desk. Which my boss finds hilarious.

Movement: 
Baby is definitely doing backflips and somersaults, but nothing I can feel yet.

Cravings: 
Fruit, again. McDonalds' fruit and yogurt parfaits.

Medicine:
Lovenox injections nightly at 0.40mL and Progesterone 200 mg taken nightly. And morning prenatal vitamins.

Injections are starting to really sting, wherever I 'test' (by simply placing the needle on my skin) hurts like crazy. This is probably due to an increase in blood flow, but I miss the days when the needles didn't hurt so badly. Maybe I'll start numbing the area with an ice cube prior.

Queasy or sick: 
The day I turned 12 weeks the morning (ahem, evening) sickness went away! So it seems like baby is reading the same books I am, and I've reached the second trimester, apparently the trimester where I'll feel reasonably comfortable. Still some heartburn, and a crazy gag reflex whenever I get toothpaste near my mouth. I left the bathroom feeling so sick just from brushing my teeth last night and gaging almost to the point of no return. It's as though baby knows that fluoride isn't good and wants nothing to do with it.

Looking forward to: 
I don't know? I've gotten to every milemarker I've been hoping for: heartbeat, reaching double digits, healthy at 12 weeks. I'd love to feel the baby move, and get some tiny kicks (but that probably will happen closer to August). Maybe the next time I get to hear the heartbeat on the handheld dopplar.

                 
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All Across the World

I've learned in the past (almost) 2 years of writing online that there are many people out there just like me, who happen to live all over the world. I've followed along and met people I might not have otherwise. I've been blessed to meet many encouraging Christian women, some perhaps in the same stage of life as me, some learning how to be married or perhaps starting their own family.

I've found through comments made beneath my posts that many have also grown up in the countryside and also consider themselves to be disasters in the kitchen like me. There's an ex-Amish woman who talks about her garden and makes me miss having space and a yard to plant, missionaries who've been sent all over Africa, Asia and Europe spreading the Good News. Plenty of southern ladies who always display a calmer, objective view to life (it's amazing what words written can sound like when read). I'll admit it, I sometimes read their posts with the southern drawl.

A Canadian woman who lives so far north that her winter starts in late September. And there are so many people who tell me how they have once lived in NYC (and can commiserate with my subway commute) and still others who currently live here, live nearby, or visit on a regular basis and know the places I mention. Many who keep up with our journey to parenthood have disclosed that they are either currently dealing with or have overcome some form of infertility or pregnancy problems. Life really isn't to different on the other side of the globe.

When I talk about my mother, I hear a lot of stories about how canning and preserving food is common where they live. The online presence of military families (especially military wives) means that there are always women online, everywhere on Earth, writing. And while blogging and the community it goes with can look like a predominantly white, middle-class American pastime on the cover, if you open the book and look inside, there are people from all walks of life with something valuable to say. The internet is a marvelous invention, one which we are blessed with as it allows us to learn and connect with those who can teach us or congregate with us in an online setting.


So tell me...
Where are you from?
What demographics have you been shocked to find on your website?
Have you looked at your Google Anayltics lately, and where do your viewers live?

                 
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#200 and Life inside my Womb

I'll be honest and say that while I'm sleepy and crampy and feeling quite blah, I wanted to come on and say that this is my 200th blog post. So, that's pretty cool.

What's not that cool is how the past few days have gone. Starting on Saturday. Friday was pretty great.

On Friday, I had a doctors appointment where he was able to hear the heartbeat with the handheld dopplar. I've been handing morning evening sickness, back/muscle aches, and intense exhaustion. I slept for 16 hours on Friday. Bed at 8:30, work for 2 hours at 3:30, and then back to sleep until 2pm on Saturday afternoon, which I think broke any other record I've held these past 28 years.

Saturday evening though, I found myself in a deep "death rattle/whooping" cough, trying to dislodge some of my congestion. And, a half hour later, I went to the restroom found more blood that I'm happy with.

Of course, I know the coughing probably caused it (and it has subsided) but I hate the fact that it's coupled with persistent abdominal cramps (that I keep hearing are my womb basically having growing pains). Since I will be heading in this afternoon for our high-risk doctor and NT scan appointment, I'll be able to ask all sorts of fun questions. And I'm sure, hear a lot about how my blood thinners are affecting things "down there".

Talking with the women at church helped, who reminded me that while I might not necessarily look pregnant or feel like I need to slow down, I do. To be kind and gentle with my body, as it's learning how to care for and carry around a whole other person. To go slow, and pay attention to how I am feeling. I imagine my uterus, while being designed to do this and knowing how to handle the growing baby, is also freaking out that it won't stop growing. I mean, I am astonished how it in these weeks just keeps doubling in size every week. If I were my uterus, I would definitely be a bit overwhelmed.

Praying for a 11.5 week sized baby, who wiggles around the screen. Also, for the NT scan to have all the good results to show that the baby won't have to suffer with Downs Syndrome or pass away early with any of the trisomy disorders. These things aren't in my hands, but I can't help being a little anxious to see a little heartbeat and then also, for the tests to go well.

So tell me...
Have you ever dealt with any of these fears?
Did you find it hard to slow down and "be kind to yourself"?

                 
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Monday, which was never good anyway...

1. What's something you're looking forward to in the month of June?
My next ultrasound is on June 10th, at 12 weeks. Looking forward to healthy baby and one who (I hear) will wiggle around on the screen and look more like a baby.

2. In what way have you come full circle?
I've turned into my mother. As much as I would've never expected this as a teenager 10 years ago (which is sad because my mother is a wonderful person), she has always been a bit "country". Which meant a few years ago that I thought spending so much time in the garden, mending clothes, preserving food and caring for others was outdated and not fullfilling. Well, I wish I had listened a bit closer and learned to crochet. Caring for others now seems like one of the most admirable jobs that I can hold.

3. Lonely Planet lists 10 spots in America you should see in 2015 and the reasons why. How many on the list have you seen? Which one on the list would you most like to see? 

Queens NY, Western South Dakota, New Orleans, Colorado River Region, North Conway NH, Indianapolis IN, Greenville SC, Oakland CA, Duluth MN, and the Mount Shasta Region CA

Well, I work in Queens, NY. And outside the fact that certain neighborhoods are very cultural (they mention Flushing, but what about Jackson Heights?) I see no reason to vacation here. Really. Don't come here for a vacation. I've never visited the other places, but I would like to visit New Orleans and South Dakota.

4. A song that describes your mood right now?
I don't get sideways on Tuesday. But Thursday and Friday take too long. And before I know it, Saturday is gone. The chorus applies to everyone.

  

5. Strawberry ice cream, strawberry short cake, strawberry pie, or strawberries right off the vine...your favorite?
I never find fresh strawberries satisfying, but usually bitter or not sweet enough. I'd love to have strawberry ice cream though. Of course, any ice cream would work.

6. Aesop's birthday is celebrated on June 4th, although there is some disagreement as to whether or not that's accurate, or if he was even a real person. Regardless, the name Aesop is associated to this day with many well known fables. Which of the following best applies to something in your life right now? The Tortoise and the Hare(Slow and Steady wins the race), The Ant and the Grasshopper (Be prepared), The Fox and the Goat (Look before you leap) or The Crow and the Pitcher (Necessity is the mother of invention)?
The ant and the grasshopper. I've started thinking about what I want to do employment wise after leaving my full time job and having the baby. I know I want to work from home and bring even a bit of income into the home, but at my convenience- leaving the selection more than a little slim.

I did think back to transcription last week, which I had done (ahem, 10 years ago) in technical school for 2 years. Seems like something that could work and I would be qualified for.

7. The answer is yes...what's the question?
"Farin, will you be posting your notes from the conference you went to this last weekend?"
Southern New England Reformation with Steve Lawson

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Tom graduates from college tomorrow! After a long and cumbersome journey, he's going to have his degree and I don't think anyone could be prouder than his mother and I are. I want to celebrate somehow, but can't think of anything. We're all returning to work immediately after the ceremony (husband's choice) and he will be gone this weekend with his buddy... so I'm stumped beyond making him a nice breakfast.


So tell me...
Any suggestion on how I can celebrate his graduating?
Have you ever been to Queens, and if so, would you really vacation here??
What suggestions would you offer for a flexible "work from home" job?

                 
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10 weeks

How far along:
10 weeks

Gender: 
We won’t find out until July or August

Maternity clothes:
The idea of getting some have been tempting me, especially since all my clothes from last summer were either donated or thrown out from wear and tear. Why buy new clothes that might not fit in a few months? I have bought a few new tops that will work for this summer and a maxi skirt for church.

Sleep: 
I have been having crazy dreams, and sometimes have two episodes a night. I have heard that pregnant women do have dreams, but they tend to be about babies or giving birth. I’ve been dreaming about jewelry heists and rocketing off to Mars and blowing it up. I think getting more sleep will help even things out. At least I have some fun new story to tell Tom every morning.

Best moment this week: 
Getting sick from baby! This may sound weird, but with being so sick with allergies this week, I've only felt sick for me. I haven't "felt" pregnant in a while, and when I ran to the bathroom a few days ago, it reminded me that all is well with baby.

Worst moment this week:
Getting miserable allergies almost 2 weeks ago, and still waking up every morning with red swollen eyes and a heavy cough. I can't tell you how many times I googled "can coughing hurt my pregnancy".

Miss anything: 
Coffee. And while I know I can have a cup a day, it's not the same. I miss the caffeine buzz that comes when I'm at my most caffeinated. I feel so sluggish at work without my 2 or 3 cups to keep me going.

Movement: 
Baby is officially moving around inside but I won't feel anything until later.

Cravings: 
Watermelon. But unless Tom wants to haul a watermelon home for me I’m not sure how I am to satisfy this one. Also, peaches and peanut butter.

Medicine:
Lovenox injections nightly at 0.40mL and Progesterone 200 mg taken nightly. And morning prenatal vitamins. This will likely be the combination until about 12 weeks when I visit my high-risk doctor to see if anything needs to be changed around.

I've begun to fine-tune my injection routine, and except for a few bleeders (those are the ones that bruise pretty badly) I've abandoned the band-aids since I'm apparently allergic to the glue. Also, since I am only bruising on one side of my stomach, I'm attempting to draw a smilie face by connecting the bruises. Why not right? :)

Queasy or sick: 
It took awhile, but around 8 weeks it hit me. It's usually in the mornings when I have an empty stomach that I feel like throwing up, but it's during the evening when I have no desire for food and everything makes me nauseous that I feel it most. I have had an extremely dry mouth despite guzzling water, and this week heartburn has become a regular thing.

Looking forward to: 
My previous milemarkers were seeing the heartbeat, hearing the heartbeat, and reaching double digits. Since I've reached all three of these, each piece of good news is music to my ears. Since my previous 2 pregnancies ended around 7 weeks, reaching the double digits this week means that I am starting to believe it’s true, and that the baby will have made it past the danger zone, in regards to my APS.

Currently, I'm looking forward to seeing a photo of the baby actually looking like a baby instead of a blob. I'd also like to feel my stomach get a bit firmer, like there is someone living in there. My next appointment is with my high-risk doctor at 11 weeks 5 days, where we'll discuss my medicines and they'll do the NT scan. Where I hope to see the baby looking more like a human (or even a gummy bear. I'm not picky).

                 
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