Not my Will, But Yours

So often I choose my will. God knows that I spend much of my time planning what should happen in my life- what will happen tomorrow and what will happen in 5, even 20 years. Life never goes according to plan, and when it strays from my course I often get upset. Something I really need to work on. 

But God says to us that we are to rely on him, and him alone. Why then do I sink so much time and energy into planning a life that is not my own? I profess that I would follow him wherever led, and then go back to planning where I will take myself. And, if we did solely rely on ourselves to propel us through this life, we would burn out so quick. What then? Would we then cry out, asking God to get us through? I know I would, so this really drives it home to me that I need to rely on him in all things. 

I think that planning and being the ultimate decider of our lives has been glorified in recent years.

You want an example? Go to Pinterest or do a Google search- type in “motivational workout poster”. Almost all of those are declarations and promises that they will do something. While I understand why these could be a good motivator, I don’t remember these posters being around when I was younger. I remember a general attitude of ‘try hard’ and ‘keep pushing’. Never ‘I vow to have a thigh gap’ or the super-availability of infographics about home-based workout schedules you can do while at home. Or the guilt-trip/self shaming that happens. We might’ve had those VHS tapes of Gene Simmons doing step-aerobics, but at the end of the video it never said that we had no valid reason to not do them. That we are lazy if we prioritize other things. I would prioritize many, many more things over becoming smaller or more fit. God first, family, self and friends. Other things like health, work, hobbies. Anything can become an idol, make sure you're focusing on what's most important first.

1 Corinthians 10:19
What do I imply then? That food offered to idols is anything, or that an idol is anything?

When I was pregnant the first time last summer, we told everyone. Of course, excitement followed, and over time we were asked a series of questions along the lines of “What are you guys planning to do for x,y, and z?” And oftentimes, we’d say “It’s in God’s hands” or “We’ll figure that our when the time comes”. We found that no one really liked that answer, and they said that we should know these things, all the things. The only time that this was not the case was when we said that we were definitely planning on homeschooling. In which case we knew the answer, and had a plan. But that plan wasn't one they liked, so again we heard “how dare you do that to your child?”.

And of course we then lost the baby. And then lost the second baby. Our lives weren't going according to our plans. But in reading the Bible, it’s so plain to see how we can move forward. We stopped focusing on our lost babies, and focusing on how we could serve Him then. And using the experiences given to do so. Who knows? Maybe some of you are reading this and thinking about your recent losses and “How on Earth do I see this as anything other than a curse?”

1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 

Humans. We all do it. Try to control everything that we perceive as ours, and even try to control things that are not ours that are around us. When in truth, nothing in the world is ours. We want to fully commit our lives into God’s hands, so where is the evidence of that? 

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?  "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, I still plan. But I’m working on accepting the changing plans. And as they happen, trying to realizing that it is God showing me that my plans are not his, and maybe my plans are not right for me (or maybe not right for me right now). 

Anyone else out there, feeling lost or down because their lives just aren't going according to plan?