Dear 18 Year-Old Me

Dear Me,

It's September 2005, and you're a senior in high school. I remember you and your 16 hour days. Wake early, walk to school, leave for medical office training, and then working at Wendy's until 10. You have so much energy, enjoy it. A schedule like that will wipe you out 10 years from now.

You're doing okay, but in the hurry to get to your future, you missed some things.

Pathetic Woman That I Am

It's about that time..... to put it bluntly it's shark week.

And I've turned into the most hormonally unbalanced woman.

In an email to Tom:

Why Did I Miscarry? Blood Results

Part 1, here.

If you've ever had a miscarriage, you know the things start going through your mind. Things like "maybe I didn't eat well enough" or "maybe I was too stressed from work". But then this God-sent article (and a doctor friend of ours) helped put those feelings to rest. They just happen. Try again. Nothing you did caused this.

Valentines Day

This year was our first married Valentines, and it was remarkably similar to our first dating Valentines (not counting long-distance). Let's recap, because why not?

2011
Our first Valentines was when I had been living in New York City for about 6 months, and we had no expendable cash. I decided to buy some red candles and bake sugar cookies. I do remember that I nearly wiped out my checking account to buy the baking sheet, rolling pin and red food dye to make them. (I do not miss those 'trying to make it in NYC on a shoestring' days.)

Snowtubing at Camelback

Good Morning!

This past weekend, Tom and I took the in-laws to have their first snow tubing experience at Camelback Mountain Resort, in Tannersville, PA. Good times were has by all, despite there being little documentation of it.

Highlights:

A New York City Polar Vortex

At what point can we call it a blizzard? 'Polar Vortex' seems so dramatic, something about polar bears spinning out of control. Well, that would be more amusing, although somewhat cruel.

 It's a beautiful winter wonderland in NYC! Which is a very big deal, since there is a very distinct point of where it turns into a dirty slush mess and your childhood hopes and dreams die a little.

The Cross and Miscarriage

I haven't made the announcement that I was expecting again (there is a sort of fear that it might end, and then there would be more explaining to do.) I did briefly mention in my 2013 recap post that we conceived and that December I got to experience some pregnancy symptoms. 

I went for what was supposed to be a 9 week appointment to find that I had lost a baby again, and the next day started miscarrying. I, in all honestly, just started feeling back to normal again yesterday- which blew my mind since the first time it happened all in the course of 6 hours.

It has been a stressful, hard week. A lot of emotions, and a lot of work done and scheduled in the coming weeks.

Homemade Apple Pie

"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie." David Mamet 

These past few days have been rough. Tom and I arguing and miscommunicating everything. It feels like our patience with everyone we work with, family and friends and personal stress was running us both pretty thin. And then we bring it home and dump all our stress on each other. Which isn't healthy.

So last night we baked a pie. From scratch. And all was good. This leads me to think that pie is just such a warm, happy dessert which evokes good memories, that people can't be stressed when there's pie involved.

When to Give and Not Give on the Subway

I remember visiting Washington D.C. when I was 17, and being overwhelmed by the amount of beggars. If you've ever visited or lived in any major city, you know that the unlicensed subway performers and panhandlers have a few different ways to get you to give.

 

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2013- Year in Review

January: Had 'Ukrainian Christmas' dinner with old roomie (and her husband and my soon-to be sister-in-law) at Applebees. Busy trip to Pennsylvania where we took the in-laws to visit my parents and we secured all the vendors for the wedding. Cake and Catering tasting. Tried to 'reboot' for the first time this month. Did 3 days and 'finished early'.

February: Tom sent me roses to work for Valentines, and my coworkers were convinced there that Tom was awesome :) Trivia night in the city was ruined by people using smartphones. Tom tries to make tofu taste like something good, but failed.

March: Height of my caffeine addiction, made worse by extreme wedding planning. Trip back to Pennsylvania to deliver decorations and spend time with my maid of honor and my flower girl. Movie night at a theater with Lazy-boys. Created invitations, working on assembling them over several Amazing Race marathons with Tom. Taught Dora to drive.

April: Starting to look like spring! Bachelorette Party in NYC at a karaoke bar and I got to play tour guide to my sister and maid of honor. Found adorable (yet embarrassing photos) of Tom, wondered if it would be inappropriate to use them at the wedding. Humorous cake topper from coworkers. Mailed out the invitations.

May: Met with my Ukrainian bridesmaid and her soon-to-be husband (married 2 days after Tom and I). Tom's nipple was rumored to have been pierced at the Bachelor party (they weren't). Tom's sister stayed with my at my mothers to help me finish up the last minute crafts. The groomsmen almost blew up my mother's house the night before the wedding with fireworks. Oh, and we got married!

June: After returning for a month to live at my old shoebox apartment, we found out we got the apartment we wanted and could move at the end of June. Went on our honeymoon cruise around the Southern Caribbean, and about that time got pregnant. Whoops :) Tried to explain how rhubarb (a vegetable) is amazing in pies, and told my coworkers that I would bring them some green tomato jam from my mom (which they loved). Got wedding photos back, and they looked amazing.

July: Moved! Spent the 4th of July at Jones beach, where I severely burned my feet. Furnished the entire apartment in one Ikea trip. Tom had his 26th birthday, but since we didn't have any candles, he blew out a lit match. Found out we were pregnant, and went crazy. Heard a lot of "took you long enough" remarks. Then realized that we would have to dismantle all the Ikea stuff in a few months to move things around, and laughed since it took us 3 weeks to assemble it all. Went to Maine on wknd on an impromptu 'Lobster

Crawl' where I just looked at the in-laws enjoy copious amounts of affordable lobster.

August: Laughed at the in-laws, who after seeing a raccoon run up on the roof decided to pursue it. Office party in Long Island, starting to fall into a nice routine of dinner at home with husband. Started feeling sick with headaches (pregnancy symptoms?) but then a week later started to bleed a bit. Took some time off work to deal with losing the baby. Tom cancelled trip to do missions work in Puerto Rico and we bummed around for a while. End of the month kind of fizzled, waiting for a conclusion.

September: We decided we should go to Pennsylvania and visit my mom for my 27th birthday. We returned to NYC and a week later officially miscarried, but life went on. Went apple-picking upstate with the in-laws and later I made natural applesauce that got RAVE reviews from the in-laws. They compared it to baby food, which wouldn't normally be a compliment. But it was, so I took it. Decided to take a day-trip to Maryland for some crab cakes where I got to eat along with everyone this time, unlike the lobster crawl in July. I got around my documents to get name changed on Oct 1st...

October: only for the government shutdown that started today to close the social security office I needed to be open for me to change my name. (Today, as I write this, I still haven't changed it). Returned to Pennsylvania (again) for my brother's wedding and to buy some autumn items. Bought my tiny pumpkins and took Tom through a great maize maze, that we wasted almost 2 hours in, and eventually gave up on. Drank a lot of cider. Took another trip to Lake George and enjoyed the changing leaves and saw our first drive in movie together. Surprised Tom by setting up the NES Nintendo games he used to love when he was.... 5? They still work too!

November: Started my new split shift, where I work from home (aka surf the net, answer emails and a phone call or two) from 6am-9am, and then work in office from 2-7. Love the change, and became a morning person. Started making breakfast every morning and waking Tom with coffee, and chatting before he leaves for work. We got pregnant again mid-November, but waited to test until we returned to Pennsylvania (6th and final time this year). Was hoping to surprise mom, but came up negative. We cleaned out all the wedding stuff mom has been holding for us. Caught sticker-pox with my adopted niece and went black Friday shopping. Brought home my old hope chest, which was filled with all the items I no longer needed. Blender from the 70s? Yep. My baby blanket? Uh huh. I explained the history of a Hope Chest, and Tom remarked about how old fashioned of my mom to put my sad dowry in there :) Came home, and had a positive pregnancy test!

December: Did a lot of decorating, cleaning, and stringing of popcorn around the apartment. Spent time with Tom's sister and in-laws. Did not go to Pennsylvania this month. Surprised? Me too. Spent the nights at home, feeling nauseous and getting migraines every morning. I baked a lot and I've gotten better than Tom at playing Call of Duty (half the time, I'm happy with that!) Learned my father-in-law loves cornbread, so I can add that to the approved list of recipes my in-laws love.  Learned that hosting a Christmas party is a lot of work, but it's great to be the official 'entertainers' in the family. Made Jesus a birthday cake, and played dominoes. Got some fuzzy pajamas and lit a ton of leftover wedding candles.

And tonight, on New Years Eve, we are going to Tom's grandmother's where we'll play more dominoes, watch the ball drop and drink some Chardonnay grape juice from Trader Joes. I can pretend it's the real stuff, right?

Happy New Years to anyone who reads this, I hope you all have a wonderful 2014 that is so great that it leaves you sad to leave it next year. That's the dream, right?