3 Completely Rational Fears

Today's writing prompt of 'fear' seems like an interesting topic to write on, a chance to be transparent with myself and perhaps gain some perspective. It's so easy to forget that this isn't just a place online to showcase all the good in our lives at the moment. but to memorialize all things that are happening. And, that involves some fears and internal struggles that are going on. I've written on my Irrational Fear (and it's a weird one). But here's 3 of my completely rational fears.

- I'm been debating with myself, whether or not to call my father this Sunday for Father's Day. We have had a rough relationship, starting about 15 years ago. It's come to this point where we haven't spoken in a year. I don't hear from him and he doesn't hear from me. Without getting into the guts of the matter, I love him but really want nothing to do with him. But now that I'm expecting and will be giving him a grandchild it's different. I know I'm more sensitive than normal anyways, but it seems unfair to not tell him. But then i think about how that conversation will go and I coil back and decide against it.

- I'm scared of being a mother. I've never really changed a diaper before and growing up as the absolute youngest, have very little knowledge about infants or children under 3. I've babysat toddlers and kids, and know how to manipulate/reason/distract them pretty well. But before the age of reason and communication, I'm an absolute dummy. I've been working in the church nursery (I'm sure its secretly some sort of Farin-infant immersion program) but at least I can pick them up and move them around without that awkward freakout moment of 'will I drop it'? I imagine the instinct will take over once I'm handed our child, but it's like being told you are going to drive cross country in 6 months and you only just applied for your drivers license.

- I'm not sure what kind of person I'm becoming. Besides wife and (in 6 months) mother, I don't have a thing. I of course love writing on here, but I lack a tangible hobby or passion that everyone else seems to have. I don't want to dull or boring. I like baking, organizing and planning. But not enough to make any of those 'my thing'. Plus, organizing and planning? Those might work into careers somehow but unless I make a habit of playing 52 card pickup I don't see how I can use those interests recreationally.

So tell me...
Do you ever think about yourself introspectively?
What hobbies or passions did you stumble into?
We're you terrified of being a mother to your first, or did you have more experience than I do?



                 
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